My best friend, Gabby is going on a cruise! To celebrate the occassion I have been sending her little notes outlining how I see her week at sea:
Soon you will be on the "high" seas- drink in one hand, gadget in the other. The sound of the ocean (and a blender making a yet another tropical rum drink) will be in the background as you laze by the pool (which is coveniently adjacent to the chocolate buffet) Ah... Lulled to relaxation from the warmth of the sun. Geod? Huh? Who? More like gawd damn this is some sweet assed vacation !
Tick tock tick tock.... Soon the buoy of booze will set sail. :)
xoxo Land Lubber Las Vegas Lady
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Dear Ms. Port Par-Tay
I regret to inform you that we are unable to grant your request for an upgraded room with an outside window based on your "in case I barf" request. However, under the circumstances, housekeeping has been advised to leave you a bucket and mop and stay the hell away!! Enjoy your cruuise and thanks for sailing with us!
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Dear Ms. Kokanee Kyack
It's disapointing to know that our 300 chocolate desserts did not meet your fine delicacy expectations. It's not everyday we have a professional chocolate connoisseur on board and we very much appreciate your sample testing. I have advised our baker's that their work is not up to snuff. To show our appreciation the staff @ Sayonara Sunset Sails have left a refund check of $5000.00 in your room's mail slot. Once again, we are honored you sailed with us and have decided to re-name our gift shop "It Aint Purdy's But Its OK"
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Ms. Merlot
The guests in the adjacent room have filed several noise complaints regarding the on going loud singing of "You Give Love A Bad Name". It is understandable that, being your first cruise and all, one would naturally imbibe in the spirits. However, don't you think parading around and pointing at people (emphasizing the word YOU of the aforementioned song) is a bit over the top? Further, there is no need to keep yelling "SAAAWWWEEEEETTTTTTTTTT" everytime the sushi area opens. It is appreciated if you could kindly contain your exuberent sentences to a lower decibel.
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Dear Vessel Vixen
The brig has not been used in many years but so help us gawd- if you don't stop writing messages on your flip flps and tossing them into the ocean- we will throw your drunken ass into the slammer.
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Here's an interseting tidbit for those late night drinking events: you can get the smell of vomit out of clothes by washing them with shampoo! I'm sure that Heloise hint will be handy (and affordable) ;)
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Don't forget to write your name on the bottom of one shoe and your cabin number on the bottom of the other so when someone finds you passed out face first into a life raft- they can drag your ass back to your room. Oh & write in waterproof ink (barf resisant)
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