Good Riddance To Trash
Well M & Gabby are splitsville. Gabby was asking me how to cope with the dreaded "moving out day". Here is my suggestion:
""I think you should stay around to make sure M doesn't take anything that isn't hers. Don't volunteer to help her move. Screw that. Why make it easy for her? Sit in a chair and glare at her. Spice it up by tossing in the odd facetious comment like "oh...don't hurt yourself with that heavy box" (all the while putting your feet up on the recliner) Be sure to loosen the carpet on the top step so she's sure to catch her toe on the way o.u.t.
Let me know what time she's moving so I can phone and you can pretend I'm a new girlfriend and make a fake coffee date with me :) After hanging up the phone, whistling a bit, ask for the key back with a BIG grin on your face. Slam the door and toss the deadbolt.
Next, jump into your car and go to IKEA for a little pick me up re decorate trip. Maybe buy one or two new things (even if its only a small desk lamp or closet doo dad).
Next speed home, of course after cruising the mall for new games and zipping thru Starbucks for a latte and a piece of lemon poppy seed loaf. Now gladly rearrange the closet to have ALL the space. And move things back to the way you like them. Be sure to forward any mail she receives- right into the garbage.
All this re-decorating may make you tired so for dinner order a gourmet pizza. Put your feet up and consume this delicacy while playing computer games and multitasking with the TV remote. Time well spent. Take advantage of the entire experience by staying up as late as you like and sleeping late the next day.
If by chance you should find anything of her's left, the best solution is to put it inside a box, clearly marked SALVATION ARMY and leave it beside the garbage bin for homies. Any tears shed should be considered tears of joy"""
Hmmm... guess that about covers your first day. Should I plan day 2?
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