Since job searching hasn't been going that well, I have decided to tweak my answers to those interview questions:
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF
When I’m not depressed, you can find me protesting for animal and human rights. I enjoy painting my toenails black and think tattoos rock.
GREATEST STRENGTH
Swearing, kicking ass and singing 80’s tunes
WEAKEST STRENGTH
My acting skills aren’t as developed as I like. I have a hard time showing “ like” for the idiots I’m forced to be with 8 long hours a day.
WHY SHOULD WE HIRE YOU
I can be just as big a back stabber as any of the other skanks you employ. I’m quite good at wasting company time by shopping on line and having my items delivered to your address. I am excellent at stretching a ½ hr lunch into 2. You will enjoy my bullshit and creative excuses for why I am late. I can also make up a reason to leave early for every day I am employed here. I am also resourceful so it might not be coffee in that mug (wink wink shoulder roll) I got top marks for backstabbing and whining in school. My ass kissing skills could use some tweaking but yours looks big enough so no worries there
WHERE ARE YOU IN 5 YEARS
Sitting on a beach in the Caymen islands, sipping Mai-Tai’s while reflecting on what a bunch of useless, pea-brained buttheads work in this hell hole, and what a stress-relieving thrill it was to be able to tell you all what I really thought of you before I walked out the door.
PS Thanks for being stupid enough to allow me to embezzle money to fund my new glam lifestyle
