Ok here's the whole fucking coffee fucking machine fucking drama.
Ohhhhkaaaayyyyyy- the day after Fem-Tesh Bitch and I had our fight- the coffee carafe 'accidentally' broke. Yeah- it accidentally flew out of my hand and hit the dumpster wall. I was so pissed off at fucking Favy and fucking Prefer that I thought I'd seek revenge by hitting them were it hurts. Da coffee pot. I came to work and tossed the fucking thing into the trash outside. And did it feel good :) Smassshhhhhh.
When fucked up and fucker arrive they are all "OMG what happened to the coffee pot" "no coffee?!" I simply replied (or is it lied thru my teeth) in a bland non chalant way 'guess it was cracked- broke this morning' 'had to throw it away' 'oh dear'. And since I had premeditated this torture of fucking clown and fucking clownette, I had stopped at Starbucks for my coffee and enjoyed sipping it and watching their pain and suffering. So much drama.
Prefer was making a pathetic attempt to convo with me after his rather throat cutting comments the day before. Only a fool would think I'd forget. So on he went about 'what are we gonna do about the coffee pot'. Various versions of it ... so forth and so on for hours. Now who is fucking torturing who?
However, ever the clever kat, (remember how I set it all up by breaking the pot??) Kat now steps forwards and says "why don't Favy and I go together (gag) and get a new machine" Oh the bitter taste of ass kissing. Hopefully the moment will register in the asshole's head. Or at least I can play that team player card at some point down the line.
Off to the store we go.....Of course little Miss Outstanding picks this expensive $80 fucking machine that self cleans, and has a timer and has many more pretty functions....whatever. Trust me when I say the dudes in this building barely grasp on/off (let alone 50 other buttons). But who am I to criticize the favored one? Everyone was SHOCKED at the amount of money she spent on a fucking coffee machine!! Ooops--- did I leave the receipt laying around? hehehe
Fast forward a few days.... seems the perfect machine Miss Fucking Priss selected is 'somehow' defective. Gosh golly I really don't know anything about it (and I have not been reading anything about sabotage on the internet) (And the sky is so not blue) (hehehe) (my BFF did tell me once- there is more than one way to skin a kat) (hehehe). Funny how adding a teaspoon of coffee grinds to every brewed pot makes the machine 'defective'.
Anyway- the machine is now packed up and marked to be returned. EEKKK!!! While creating the perfect plan of evil, I didn't foresee myself having to return the fucking thing! GASP!!
BUT- I will have you know- I returned it o.n.l.y - I DID NOT buy a new one. I told fucky favorite that all they had was Black&Decker and I didn't want to take a gamble on the same brand. Tossed in a side of 'will check at a different store..." Add a dash of "when pigs fucking fly" and its done. Despite the detour- the poor fuckers are still without a coffee machine. HAHAHAHA (big loud psychotic laugh)
When will people learn they can't poke sticks at the ole cougar and not come away with a scratch or two?
Ding Ding! Round one may have gone to the coniving rat bastards, but round two is a sure win for the kat. Stay tuned.....
